Tag: feelings

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Keep that Tongue Loose, or Spit Some Game: 3 steps to giving some bomb advice

cartoon hand abstract sing/symbol pink background 3d rendering

There are times when people give us advice and it just sounds like words, but there are times when people give us advice and we truly feel what they’re saying. What separates good advice from… not so good advice?

First off,

if you don’t understand the person’s situation, have been through something similar, or know of someone who went through the same thing, you’re just there to listen and there’s nothing wrong with that.

But if you do, let’s move on:

  1. Let them know you know what they mean. If the person senses that you understand their issue, that’ll create a mind-to-mind connection and be more susceptible to hearing what you have to say.
  2. Inform them about the other side’s point of view. This one’s optional, but if there are sides involved situation, inform them on the other perspectives. Sometimes we get so worked up on what we think and feel, that we forget about the other people’s feelings.
  3. Remind them that it’s okay to do the right thing. A lot of times people know exactly what they have to do; they’re just not doing it. As mentioned above, we can get worked up over situations, that we don’t realize certain things, but we might also overthink so much that the obvious solution seems so difficult.

And lastlyyyyyy,

don’t invalidate their feelings. If their behavior is depending on the way they think others are perceiving them, and they’re mistaken, then they’re overreacting; tell them like it is.

But if their behavior is not depending on other people’s perceptions, then it’s something more serious; don’t just tell them to “stop worrying,” for example.

A man helping a friend through a tough time.

At one point in time, we’re going to have to show someone were care about some support.

Haha, I just noticed I’m giving YOU advice in how to give OTHERS advice. See how this all comes together? (⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)

Do you know about any other things that produce golden advice? I encourage you to leave a reply if you do.

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Accompanied Video Blog

Who Really Made You Insecure?

Insecurities isecurities isecurities. I don’t mean to bring it up but

Insecurities.

Well, physical ones. They’re mentioned a ton in the real world and on the media. They’re especially tied with topics regarding a change of appearance, like surgeries, procedures, and working out.

You might say, ‘I’m doing this for myself’ or ‘I want to do this to make ME happy’ but is it truly JUST for you? ಠಿ⁠_⁠ಠ

Accompanying video:

Of course, there are things that we naturally like and don’t like, but there preferences we carry because we’ve unknowingly been influenced by common society.

To put things into perspective, think of something you’ve wanted to change about yourself. Now think about this:

If you were never made fun of for this, if this wasn’t looked down upon on social media, if that change wasn’t going to get you more attention, would you still change it?

Don’t base your decisions on appealing to a crowd. Every once it a while, well okay. But hopefully you still pause and think about where a thought is coming from to avoid becoming dependent on pleasing people’s eyes.

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The Most Important Thing in a Friendship is Not What You Think it is…

Yeah, yeah. I can trust you; you can trust me. I can be loyal to you, be honest with you, and you do the same with me. But in a year, I’ll still cut you off…or worse yet we break down until we fall off.

Why is it that the typical qualities that are supposed to hold people together aren’t always solid? Love, respect, patience, and loyalty. They’re great, but do they always fix everything?

Of course nothing fixes everything, but still, here’s my point.

I’ve come to realize that the most important things in a friendship are knowing each other and trusting that knowledge of each other. I, like many others, have heard about friendships ending because of silliness and misunderstandings.

‘But they loved each other.’ ‘And they cared for each other.’ Yeah, but they didn’t truly know each other. When you know someone, you don’t automatically judge them. Because you’ve picked up on their tendencies, you know that they probably didn’t mean it in a bad way, or their phone must’ve died, or they must’ve had a really good reason to cancel. It’s similar to being perceptive, but it’s more specific to that person’s habits.

Let’s set some examples.

1. Ashley and Tim are close friends. All week, Ashley has been mentioning that she wants to check out a new burger joint with him, but they haven’t had a chance do so. When they’re finally both free on Saturday, Tim spends his day with a group of friends at an aquarium. When he tells Ashley, she feels neglected and jealous. Although she can close herself off or call Tim out for not having her in mind, she knows that he couldn’t have had any intentions to offend her and doesn’t doubt it; and with that, Ashley lets it go.

2. Rease has a locker at school. His close friend, Jon, knows his lock code too. One day, Jon goes to his locker to get his bag of popcorn but discovers it missing. His immediate thought is that someone must’ve taken it. Jon must’ve taken it!… But wait. Rease knows, and is sure, that Jon always asks before taking something; he wouldn’t just steal. When Rease gets to class and takes his books out to get ready, he realizes the popcorn bag was in his backpack. Oops.

These aren’t the deepest of scenarios, but they show that the smallest of things can introduce bitterness and create distance between people over time.

Takeaways

As you see, simply knowing someone’s character can prevent things from going south as the troubled person tries to step back and analyze their situation without only focusing on their feelings, as well as thinking about the other person’s perspective.

It’s not about blindly defending the other person’s every move, but about trying to see things as they are.

Wire heart in sand. Friendships end, but let's avoid that and keep friends close.

As mentioned in the beginning, love, respect, patience, and loyalty are great, but when tied in with insight they remind us of the value that person and that relationship holds. When we truly know someone, and trust that knowledge, we can navigate even the toughest challenges with ease.

So, invest time in getting to know your friends so you can watch your friendships grow; not fall. (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡